Thank God I'm a City Boy (Apologies to John Denver)

Sorry everyone, I had to do it.

Eleven years ago, my family and I relocated from the metropolis of Los Angeles to a semi-rural outpost near the Kern County line. After all this time I still feel like a fish out of water, a foreigner living in a strange new land. For the first forty years of my life I was proud to live in Tinseltown; today, I have neighbors who raise bison, horses, chickens, and cattle. And just a few months ago, as God is my witness, I could swear that I saw a yak. Really!

Well, sometime last year, I added a new CD to my collection, John Denver's Greatest Hits. And now my son Bradley has dared me to rewrite the classic, Thank God I'm a Country Boy. Ready? Here goes nuthin':

Well, I love my life, ain’t nuthin’ I lack,

Ain't much a city boy like me can't hack

Travel to the office on a subway track

Thank God I'm a city boy

.

Well, the urban kinda life never done me much harm

The smog ain’t bad, and my car has an alarm

Al Gore says we’re all getting warm

Thank God I'm a city boy

.

Well I got the corner office, I got my Armani

House and picket fence on a street that’s so sunny

Weekend comes, I got shrimp on the barbie

Thank God I'm a city boy

.

When the day is done and the sun's settin' low

I go to night school to find out what they know

The kids stay home and text on cellphones

Thank God I'm a city boy

.

I could play my Xbox all day and night,

But the boss and the wife wouldn’t think it right

So I do what I must to avoid a fight

Thank God I'm a city boy

.

Well I got the corner office, I got my Armani

House and picket fence on a street that’s so sunny

Weekend comes, I got shrimp on the barbie

Thank God I'm a city boy

.

Wouldn't trade this life for chickens and a barn

I never could sit on the porch spinning yarns

I'd rather have my Mac and a cool sports car

Thank God I'm a city boy

.

Them country folk ride in a green John Deere

No cable TV, art museum, sportswear

Let me have my sushi, and a Japanese beer

Thank God I'm a city boy

.

Well I got the corner office, I got my Armani

House and picket fence on a street that’s so sunny

Weekend comes, I got shrimp on the barbie

Thank God I'm a city boy

Well, my desk was my daddy's until his last day,

He took me by the hand as I heard him say

“Watch the Dow Jones, no inside trades

Thank God you're a city boy.”

.

My daddy taught me young how to drive and how to mow

How to court the young girls and take ’em to a show

Taught me how to save and invest my dough

Thank God I'm a city boy

. 

Well I got the corner office, I got my Armani

House and picket fence on a street that’s so sunny

Weekend comes, I got shrimp on the barbie…

 .

Thank God I'm a city boy, yeah!